20190220-Script

NOTICE: This is not a transcript. This is the draft script for this post. The spoken-word version of the show is authoritative. ~Management

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THANK YOU, SHADOE!

DAVE CHAPPELLE WITH JIMMY KIMMEL MARCH 2017 AND ACADEMY AWARD WINNING ACTRESS/COMEDIAN, MONIQUE WITH STEVE HARVEY LAY THE GROUNDWORK FOR · LEMME PUT IT THIS WAY · GENDER, MONEY AND RACE ALL IN THE SAME HOT SHOW. ONLY THING WE’RE MISSING IS RELIGION. SO, GODDAMMIT — GET ‘EM NEXT TIME!

I SAY GENDER, MONEY AND RACE, BUT SOME PEOPLE ACTUALLY PLEAD COLORBLIND.

[SCHULTZ/CHAPPELLE/MONIQUE]

WHY’S STEVE HARVEY SO RILED UP?

[BLACK OUT HERE]

MONIQUE TAKES A PRINCIPLED STAND.

[MONIQUE SAYS NO]

LIKE COLIN KAEPERNICK DOES.

[COLIN 1]

MONIQUE SAYS NO TO LEE DANIELS. NO TO TYLER PERRY. NO TO OPRAH. BECAUSE SHE’S MONIQUE, MONIQUE SAYS NO SOUNDS LIKE THIS.

[NETFLIX BOYCOTT]

MONIQUE STEVE HARVEY GO WAY BACK. SEVEN MINUTES.

[WAYBACK PACKAGE]

PAST FIFTY YEARS · AND I HAD TO PUT THIS OUT TO MY COMEDIAN FRIENDS TO COMPLETE THE LIST · PAST FIFTY YEARS · LESS THAN TEN AFRICAN AMERICAN WOMEN WITH A ONE HOUR STAND-UP SOECIAL ON A MAJOR PLATFORM. WHOOPI HBO. TIFFANY HADDISH SHOWTIME. QUEEN LATIFAH. WENDY WILLIAMS. SHERRI SHEPARD. AISHA TAYLOR. KIM COLES. THAT’S REAL.

AS FOR DAVE CHAPPELLE, YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED WHEN KIMMEL SAID SIXTY MILLION DOLLARS HE JUST KINDA’ SMILED. NOTHER WORDS. NO CONFIRMATION IS WHAT I’M SAYING. BECAUSE HE SIGNED NON-DISCLOSURE AGREEMENT. AND I’LL BETCHA DOLLARS TO DONUTS THAT NDA INCLUDES AN ARBITRATION CLAUSE LIKE THE ON COLIN KAEPERNICK JUST SIGNED.

[COLIN 2]

EVERYBODY’S GOT THEIR PRICE. I DON’T SAY THAT WITH AN ACCUSATORY TONE, FOR TWO REASONS: (1) WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT COLIN ACTUALLY GOT AND (B) IF THE RUMORS ARE TRUE, COLIN WILL DO A LOT OF GOOD WITH THAT MONEY.

IN FACT, STEVE HARVEY WITH EQUAL PARTS PASSSION AND PAIN, CITES INTEGRITY AS THE PRINCIPLE SUPPORTING HIS APPARENT ARGUMENT: TAKE THE DEAL, PROVE ‘EM WRONG, GET ‘EM NEXT TIME, AND LET EVERYONE SEE HOW GREAT WE ARE!

I DON’T KNOW HOW MONIQUE COULDA DONE IT THOUGH. SO AGAINST WHO SHE IS, WOULDA KILLED HER.

ALL THAT SAID, MONIQUE AND STEVE MUST BE SOME KINDA’ FAMOUS BECAUSE NOBODY’S ASKING DON CHEADLE TO SIGN THEIR SHIT!

[CHEADLE/THEME]

NEXT TIME WE VISIT, IT WILL BE LATE NITE LAST WEEK, MORE TIME FOR TORYTELLING, JOKE OF THE WEEK AND ALL THAT. BE READY IN LESS THAN SEVENTY TWO HOURS.
THOSE OF YOU HERE FOR THE FIRST TIME, THIS SERIES IS HUNDRED PERCENT LISTENER SUPPORTED. YOU’D LIKE TO BE MY SIDEKICK, TWENTY CENTS A SHOW ANNUALIZED, GO TO LATE NITE LAST WEEK DOT COM AND KICK IN. LATE NITE LAST WEEK DOT COM.

TO REACH OUT MARK AT MARK WHITNEY DOT COM · FOR HOUSE ANNOUNCER SHADOE STEVENS AND HOUSE BAND “DEAD MAN FALL” KEEP BANGING!

LATE NITE LAST NITE AND LATE NITE LAST WEEK ARE PRODUCTIONS OF SIS BOOM BAA LLC.